Family Affairs Part Two

(Scroll down for Part One…)Archie has been known to knock Lesley’s hat box out of the cupboard and put on her latest floral design for Ascot. We both keep warm with her woolly slippers. When Lesley is out of course. Archie has opinions which I listen to. He dislikes Gordon Brown. He barks at the mention of his name, one of his habits which gains instant respect from his owners.

Unfortunately, there is a great deal of strife in the household of Lesley and Nathan. Very often Archie is stuck between the two of them and the arguments, which can start with where to go for a vegetarian curry, really get him down.

We talk about these incidents a lot, and one evening when we were invited to the Fullers for dinner last week, I could understand exactly what Archie meant.
There we all were waiting for the meal. Nathan with his can of Stella Artois, lying on his big leather chair: the women sharing a bottle of wine on the sofa: Archie and me curled up in Archie’s basket in the corner.

“I dunno,” said Nathan, twitching his left foot.

(Archie thinks he spends too long in that chair).

“I’ve been with Draycotts for nine years,” Nathan went on, “and I’m being offered a redundancy package that won’t pay for a new lawn mower, let alone Lesley’s hair bills.”

“Ha ha,” replied Lesley.

Nathan put his can of lager down on a ‘pug’ mat.

“You’ll be the first to complain,” he said.

Mistress looked at the two of them. I could tell she was dithering.

“In this current climate,” she announced, “I think you have to be ready to accept a redundancy package of any description. You may find yourself two years down the line with nothing at all.”

Nathan’s face was resembling a worried St Bernard’s.

“I dunno. I dunno,” he said. “Alex got a much better offer for opening an Ipswich branch that’s still losing money. Everybody knows that. And his office is bigger than mine.”

“I’m in a bloody cubicle with Jim and getting resipiratory problems.”

Nathan coughed.

“He’s always getting respiratory problems,” said Lesley to Mistress. “He had them on our first night together.”

Nathan coughed again. He took a long draught of his beer. Archie grunted against my back. Our paws were crossed. It could have been quite a domestic scene.

“I dunno, I dunno” Nathan went on.

He stood up.

“Well ask Archie,” Lesley said. “He’s a damn sight smarter than you are.”

“Thank you very much,” replied Nathan. “I will.”

“What d’you think Archie?” he asked, bending towards us pugs and giving each of us a pat.

He took an imaginary golf swing towards his wife.

“Is she worth it, that’s what I want to know?”

“Worth what?” asked Lesley.

“Worth discussing this important issue with,” said Nathan. “And do I want to be retired at my age and being told continually what to do by wife?”

Archie gave a grunt.

“She may kill him and something’s burning in the kitchen,” he said to me.

The pair of us dogs stood up. We shook ourselves and Archie’s tail wagged like a flag of honour.

“I reckon the firm want you off their premises” Lesley said. “They’ve had enough of your pontificating …”

She got up too.

“Something’s burning in the kitchen,” she announced. “Excuse me for a moment, Julia.”

We had gone before her, a staccato of paws over two sets of wooden floors and past the aga. We put our noses to the window. It was as cold as ice.

“It’s snowing,” said Archie.

White flakes were floating towards us, touching the glass and making star patterns. The sky was dark. The trees were white. They looked like scarecrows with disembodied arms.

“Is this what snow is?” I asked Archie. “Is this really it?”

Archie sat on his haunches.

“This is it, boy,” he said. “The real thing.”

Just as I was getting used to the whiteness and the thrill of it, two large amber eyes peered in at us, unblinking and wild.

I barked. What else does a dog do?

“The fox!” I said to Archie.

“I tell you, It’s the same fox from our garden.”

We climbed on our hind legs and drummed with our front paws against the window.

“Come on dogs,” said Lesley right behind us. “It’s only snow.”

But the eyes were staring in at us and they never moved. Well it was alright for humans. But for us canines, I had a premonition we were in for the Wild West.