Family Affairs

My best mate is called ‘Archie’. He’s almost a replica of me, only bigger. He belongs to Julia’s best friend, Lesley, and her husband, Nathan Fuller. Unlike me, Archie has no claim to an aristocratic lineage, but he is very clever. He knows things that I don’t. He knows things that I will never even think of.

The Nathans are aware that they own a superior dog. Archie sits glued to Mastermind and tends to bark at the right answers. He is also a connoisseur of art. We watch The Culture Show together sometimes and different programmes on what’s selling. Archie could tell Mistress a lot about the tricks of the trade and has suggested that we take one of her abstracts and tread our paw marks in.

“We’d make a fortune,” he says. “Frankly, a lot of the time, your mistress is barking up the wrong tree.”

I look at him.

“Well, go on, then,” smirks Archie. “Let’s have a smile. That’s meant to be a joke.”

My fellow pug has a huge appetite. I’m surprised it hasn’t been his downfall. Only Archie could survive a whole Jane Asher birthday cake (which he ate out of the box), and a batch of Lesley’s HRT pills. They had no effect on him whatsoever.

Archie plays a big part in our story. Listen for the patter of our next post and I will tell you more.